Sheller's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Skyrim Adventurer]

well

it comes off as a tasteless thunderhumor-inspired short written by someone who never actually played the game but instead figured he could do a satire on it entirely off of broad assumptions (like dwarves being in the game) and shit heard on the internet. Namely, horned helmet, fusrodah, arrow to the knee, buckethead, BUT NO WAIT THE ARROW TO THE KNEE PART MESSED UP AND HE TOOK AN ARROW TO THE DICK LOL XD

come the fuck on

also the animation is nothing short of painful. Your animations move like they suffer merely for existing, which would be cool if you were doing a tragedy or horror short but you're obviously preferring the juvenile humor route

[Ponyline]

hey good job

yeah good job livetracing the actual movie and putting ponies in it

i'm sure it's much funnier now

[SS - Human History 5]

congratulations

10 episodes and a shitload of deleted reviews later, you've successfully brainwashed a good chunk of newgrounds into believing the same pesudo-science garbage you've been tricked into believing by your new-age science college professor.

For shame, man, to take something that's theory at its absolute strongest and "outright crazy talk" otherwise, and take it as absolute truth? That no other concept can even exist, that it's all mythically formed in our heads by YOUR gods, YOUR histories, as inbred ignorance used to confuse the masses and lead us astray?

Just because you read a bunch of books about the same topic all derivative from one original source doesn't mean it's something of absolute truth.

Tell your "people" that these are theories, that they're what you BELIEVE to be the truth, as opposed to telling them that everything is wrong and this is the one Light of the world. You know who else twisted words that way and talked so highly? Jim Jones, and look how wonderfully THAT shit turned out.

I'd like to assume that if you took a philosophy class instead of a new-age science class, you'd be doing flashes about existentialism, blithering on about how Ayn Rand was a new-age prophet or some shit.

I'd honestly give this a zero because both the stories AND the animation are garbage, but frankly my review would be instantly taken down if I did so so I'm leaving a 3 to be safe.

[Giant Fish Stain 1]

my ears hurt but otherwise great

i liked this, this was pretty neat. The animation was lacking but it's in a style where it's hard to say it doesn't have its charm.

The voices were a mixed bag. The spider king's grating whiny tone, even if done for the effect, was really painful to listen to. The rest tended to have great voices but honestly find a better screamer voice because that spider king was pretty bad.

All in all it was enjoyable for being "poorly done" yet aware of its state of being in a way.

[Pwanchi Burger Episode 1]

fuck my ears, eyes, and soul

let's start this negative review with some obvious flaws: the voices are painfully bad; emoting seems to be something incomprehensible by whatever stooges you convinced to do voicework for you. I don't even want to go into detail because going into detail would mean having to pay attention to take it all in, and fuck I am NOT going to play this fucking flash a second time.

Another clear-cut flaw is the style of animation. Tweened and bone-jointed movements were never good. At one point, two of the characters clearly had the same body copy-pasted with different faces! How fuckin' hard is it to just redraw it instead? Oh, you probably don't care enough because you're probably only looking for a fanbase and popularity, as opposed to doing animation for the art or such. Fuck your kind. Fuck your cultural identity. I'm legitimately mad from how bad this was and it's been 10 minutes before i could cool off enough to just write "FUCK YOU" and leave. I can't stand this whole "gonzo imitation" bullshit you're doing. God fucking damn, why do you aspire to be like that slut? All he wants is the public eye. Is that what you want as well?

Moving on, the sound quality is garbage. I could feel my own heart palpate as I strained to hear these awful voices because the quality was so wishy-washy that it was impossible to JUST listen.

The script is trash. You fucking wrote this? What in your right mind compelled you to spend a good week or so animating this? This is some cliche Clerks-wannabe bullshit. Fuck this. This is trash. Every character is just a fragmented piece of Randall from Clerks. And the character, Cody, WHO COINCIDENTALLY HAS YOUR NAME, is this untouchable badass? Yeah, THAT totally doesn't wear thin in 5 seconds flat. Your sense of humor is trash. Again, fuck you. Another 5 minutes have passed and I'm still furious.

I can't even finish this. Fuck this. I'm too angry to even go into depth on this awful, awful, awful, fucking awful pilot which is in no way going to be popular enough to get to episode 2.

[Internet Allstars 2011]

I get what you're getting at.

But you clearly weren't confrontational enough about it. Using memes to beat out memes to express your contempt for them is akin to using shit to get the shit off your shit. It just makes you look like shit.

RicePirate responds:

I guess I was hoping that I could get the message of "THESE MEMES are overused!" without cussing, rape, or brutal violence ... ah well. I was thinking more like fire vs fire ... not so much shit vs shit.

[Morphemon Duelists Ep.2]

Half an hour? Fucking seriously?

I'm surprised this glut of a flash took 40.1 MB to hold together.

It's all just this very badly-animated, cobbled together garbage with awful voices, awful pseudo-bad jokes, and overall just bad bad bad I cannot get over how bad this is

how in this green, brown and blue earth of ours does fucking ANYONE enjoy this?

I admit to skimming around it (speaking of which, I love the coding at the bottom for replay there, it was incredibly useful), but really anything I skipped to was the same really poorly done bullshit.

I love how every single review is just trying to compare this to Egoraptor's work.

I'm surprised this took 5 years. I imagine this would take 2 months of actual effort and a fuckload of repetition to somehow fill up 20 minutes.

What a colossal waste of time, effort, and ability.

I give 1 star because the playback system was, again, very useful. I'd give more but I'm honestly angry just from watching this. I can't stand it, at all.

There's "not my cup of tea" and then there's "what the fuck is wrong with you", and my reaction leans towards the latter.

PiGPEN responds:

>I admit to skimming around it
Can't take your complaints seriously then. Seekbar is for repeat viewings, buddy.

[SS - Keys of our Past]

sigh

so, you've started this whole "pseudo-science facts of all living creatures and science is wrong" series and have been at it for a while, huh?

New ones every monday too? I don't know when you started but I'll say that's some effort you're putting in to have had a full month of these.

In terms of actual content, I'm confused.

I don't mean I'm confused because I don't understand it; I mean I'm confused as to how you can honestly take all these sporadic, varied ramblings and think they're all amazing and that they must be shared with the world.

From what you're giving in this, you're a rather cynical person, aren't you? It's completely impossible to have thought that "hairy barbarians" built ancient monuments? Day farmers in Egypt built the pyramids over the course of 25 years. It can't have been that much tougher to work on the Sphinx.

The Bible's stories are nonsensical? Have you read it? It's mostly metaphor or stories told to withhold basic beliefs. To take it at face value or see it for being a mark of its time without thought to the moral behind it is missing the point.

Your sources are already a good standing point for discredit. Edgar Cayce? It's like you're fresh into a college philosophy class and already you think you have life all figured out.

I won't say you probably only do this because you do drugs or are stupid, because you put too much passion into all this shit. What you are, friend, is gullible. You take all this for fact because you so readily believe it yourself, and you're only taking jabs (or should I say, you're only repeating jabs others have taken) at things that can't be easily proven because that's what these sorts of "scientific" theories prey on: lack of evidence or knowledge.

The only reason anyone could believe these "breakthroughs" is because whoever thought of the theory was the first one to stand up and claim to be right. Who's to dispute it? The egyptians believed there was a patron god for every single facet of their lives, which is why out-of-the-ordinary things (which we call "coincidence") happened, according to them. They had no frame of reference where they could say "oh, well it might've just happened to happen;" instead they used the vague term that nobody understood to answer their question: religion.
A disease caused by rust is the Metalwork god's punishment for sloth, an elephant trampling a man is punishment for disrespect to the elephant god. It's not the answer we know today, because today we know better. Today we know that things once easily clumped with other things as "mystery" have rational explanations. The first answer is always the simplest, and the simplest answer is easiest to accept.

You've listed your references, but are they honestly the first things you read on the subject? I hope not. Those books will read that "sources claim" or that "studies show" when in reality they're just paraphrasing other articles with little to no additive value to the writing. They're what you are to the rest of us: a wellspring of bizarre dribble that is going to be taken for more than it is because it's talking about a little-known subject. Do real goddamn research; read on the lives of the authors, other books and works of theirs, interviews with explanation. Your explanations sound straight out of one book for every subject. Just because it's published doesn't mean it's indisputable fact of life or a grand, focused, and intense study into the subject.

Your pseudo-science will have a frame of explanation years from now when we have capability to comprehend.

Until then, stop encouraging children on newgrounds to start smoking weed and attempting astral projection.

I'm giving a 4 for the fact that you're putting one out every week, because I know how painful that can be, minus 1 because the animation is shoddy and clearly only made to qualify it for being a Newgrounds flash instead of just an audio file.

RiverJordan responds:

Well, there's tons that i could comment on, but i'll comment on this instead.

The egyptians didn't have gods for every aspect of their lives. What you're talking about are called Neters. There were gods with a lowercase g, not actually gods. Like Anubis for example, there are 42 plus 2 neters. This represents the number of chromosomes in the human body. The purpose of the Neters was actually to teach the transition between the 1st, and 2nd level of consciousness, out of the 3 levels of consciousness that the Egyptians were focused on achieving. Both north egypt, and south egypt had their own sets of 42 and 2 Neters, which created a problem. Over time, these images slowly changed, and when King Menes put the two countries together as a single country called egypt, they also joined all of the images. This created 84 and 4 gods, and the people slowly lost the meaning and understanding, because the kings too, like the people, were dropping in consciousness over hundreds of years.

Ohhh, maybe i do know what i'm talking about after all. Things aren't what they seem at first glance. Maybe i'm not the one who needs to research more ;)

[Man Man 3]

I have a thousand-yard stare now

this was honestly so appalling that I haven't even flinched in horror, disgust, or hatred until I saw the big fucking "END" screen. I'm probably traumatized from how bad this was. This had the appeal of a train wreck filled with awful humor.

You three have practically zero animation skill, yet it's apparent that all of you continue to use the same god-awful ripoff "styles" that you've developed.

TheFabs obviously has awful anime "inspiration," OnionsXD has a hard-on for Johnny Utah and other "shiny" flash artists, and Cristo apparently can't STOP using fucked up shapes to represent people to make up for the fact that he can't draw people.

lolSORANDOM humor isn't funny to anyone but awkward children who nobody finds fun to be around. Dated internet humor mixed with unoriginal content and cutaway bullshit does NOT make something good.

LOL FOOD ITEM SO RANDOM. Fuck, grow up. The entire video was just bad jokes piled onto other bad jokes with abhorrent animation and disgusting design. I honestly have nothing but the upmost hatred for this flash and you bunch of fucking children, I can't take this, I'm so flustered by the fact that someone made this AND IS PROUD OF IT. How can you be so proud of painted shit? This is painful as FUCK to even LOOK at.

How fucking old are all of you? 11? Is this 2003 where jokes like this are still being tossed around? Fucking fuck this is a nightmare I honestly can't even begin to comprehend

I can't leave a coherent review on this. This is too bad on too many levels for me to even begin picking it apart. I've seen morgue inspections cleaner than this shit, jesus.

I'll try anyway. Rambling aside, the animation is trash. Every one of you animates like a child who just discovered what flash is and has no artistic merit whatsoever. The ability to breathe life into your drawings could not be further from you alls' grasps. There is nothing positive I can say to add incentive to improve, other than the usual "give up forever and don't come back until you know how to actually produce ART by imitating LIFE and being a REAL ARTIST" criticism.

The voices sound like you alls' voices. It probably is. You all sound awful. With voices like those, you all are better off doing silent film. Plus, the mic quality is fuck-awful. Just don't ever use them.

The video itself was just incoherent cutaway humor with no merit whatsoever. None of it was even funny to the slightest degree. My 9-year-old sisters might find this somewhat funny, but then they'd complain that it drags on too long or that the jokes are immature or pointless, which is a good way of describing this entire flash: immature and pointless.

The music is unfitting for the most part. It's just whatever YOU all enjoy listening to being blasted in full without any regard to the tone or atmosphere the music can lend. It's just the same level of nonsensical dribble expected from kids who animate this badly, though.

I'm giving this a one, solely because I don't want to be "that guy" who put a zero and a wall of text, since you're probably not going to read it anyway. I'm also almost out of characters to write with.